Hello everyone! I'm yokid575, and today, I'll be interviewing a largely forgotten enemy in the Mario Universe, the Spear-Mask.
Hello, Mr. Spear-Mask. Before we begin, tell us a bit about yourself.
Well, as you can see, I'm a Spear-Mask. I was an enemy in Wario Land 4, and I attacked with my incredible spear.
So, Mr. Spear-Mask, why haven't you been appearing in many games recently?
Money issues. Nintendo only pays me five coins per hour, and that includes getting repeatedly body slammed, thrown, and ground-pounded by a 400-Pound morbidly obese treasure hunters who reeks of garlic.
How is your relationship with other enemies in the Mario Universe?
Well, I hate Shy Guys. I hate them a lot. I'm just like a Shy Guy, except deadlier! Those Shy Guys have been stealing my limelight and I wish chortles upon them all!
Why did you ask me, prior to this interview, to remove all items that could make loud noises from this room?
Well, Spear-Masks change personalities when agitated by loud noises. For example... *Spear-Mask slams fist down on table and suddenly turns blue* See? *weep* This is how awful my life is! *several minutes of crying follow before I slam my fist on the table, turning him back to yellow.*
Why did you decide to be an enemy?
Well, I was always good at mocking obese heroes when I was younger, so I decided to do the same, but get paid for it.
So I hear you're writing a book. Could you tell us more about it?
Sure. The book is called Shy Guys are disgusting Half-Breeds:The Biography of Spear-Mask. It's about how Shy Guys are bad and cheat frequently at Monopoly.
Well, you seem to be a flaming racist, so it looks like we have to wrap this up. Do you have anything to say to the audience before we end?
Yes. Kids, don't trust Shy Guys. They, as a species, are awful monkey-demons, and should all be hung by their non-necks. Thank you.
And there we go. Stay tuned to Channel DDD, er, Nintendo Hub, for more interviews with borderline bipolar disorder patients. Good night everybody!
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